I'm still behind schedule, but this one ended up being a little longer than I expected it to be.

It's perhaps on the goofy side, but I had a lot of fun writing it.

** A D.J. pointed out: Captain Amazing is actually the name of the superhero in Mystery Men. My Captain Amazing is less of a jerk than that Captain Amazing. I wrote most of the story before checking to see if the name had been used before. But I decided to keep since good, generic superhero names are hard to come by :P

---

Captain Amazing

The gravel crunches underneath as we roll down the driveway toward my parents' house. My foot is off the gas and the car trundles slowly along in drive. We hadn't been back there in two years and I knew this would be my last visit ever, so I felt as though I should be reverential. I wanted to take everything in. The front lawn was in dire need of being mowed, but the house itself was still in good shape. A fresh coat of paint maybe wouldn't have hurt.

My parents' place was surrounded by three acres of land, all that remained of a much larger farm that had been in my family for a few generations. My dad, though, never had much interest in farming; he was a professor, and would joke that he went into academia specifically to avoid working for a living. So, he sold off most of the farm, one side to a housing developer and on the other to a cattle farmer, keeping just enough land so that he and mom would have some quiet and some privacy.

Beside the house, mom used to keep a large garden, but she hadn't planted vegetables in years and weeds had almost completely overtaken it. Beyond the garden I saw my old swing-set: the poles and chains now thoroughly rusted. It's like Mother Nature knew the place would soon be empty and was starting to creep in to reclaim what is rightfully hers.

"How did she sound when you talked to her?" my wife Julie asked me.

"Out of breath. She'd just come in with groceries and was in a hurry because she had to make some salsa for her book club."

"It just seems strange that she's so insistent on selling the place so soon after the funeral."

"It's been a month. And real estate prices are highest in June and July."

Mom had first brought up selling the house about a week after the funeral. I'd never had a clue that she was so keen to move into the city. I'd always just assumed she liked living in the country. There's nothing to do out here, she'd told me on the phone, though. She wanted coffee shops and bookstores.

---

Downstairs, I can hear Julie and my mom talking in the kitchen while they chop vegetables. I offered to grab some takeout on the way, but mom wants to use up what's left in her cellar and pantry before she moves out. They're probably talking about whether or not it was a smart move for me to turn down a recent job opportunity. A position had opened up in another division of my company. I don't know -- it was tempting, but I'm okay where I am right now. Julie and mom both told me I'm too willing to just go with the flow and that I should stand up for myself more. Sometimes I'm not sure it's such a good thing that my wife and my mother get along so well.

In the meantime, I was sent upstairs to go through the few boxes of things I still had there. Mostly junk from my childhood, I expect.

On the way to the attic, I'd popped my head into my old bedroom. Long gone is the rocket ship wallpaper and all my posters. It's been through several incarnations since I moved out for university: home office, sewing room, workout room. Most recently, dad had painted the walls a soft beige and decorated it with carvings of Buddha and some things that I guess are Hindu. Elephant guys with several arms, stuff like that. The only piece of furniture is a small, low table with an incense stand on it. There are a few cushions and a couple of rolled-up mats stacked neatly along one wall. In his last few years, dad had got into meditation and yoga. Mom hadn't liked the smell of the incense and tried instead to get him to take up golf or something.

---

"Tim, I thought you were long past the age where you'd ignore supper for comics."

My wife's voice brings me back to the here and now. I look toward her and see her head and shoulders poking up into the attic. I'd found my comic collection in one of the boxes, still packed away in their individual plastic bags and cardboard backings. I'd intended on just thumbing through a few of them for old time's sake. I look at my watch. I've been up here over an hour.

"Sorry, hon. I found some of my favourites and just got swept up I guess."

Julie climbs all the way up into the attic and walks over. I'm surrounded by stacks of X-men, Daredevil, Superman, Green Lantern and others.

"Are any of these worth anything?"

"Aside from my priceless childhood memories, you mean?"

"I'm just curious."

She holds out a hand and helps me to my feet.

"I've honestly got no clue. I read through them so many times that a lot of them aren't in great shape anymore."

"What's that one?"

I hold it up so Julie can see the cover: Captain Amazing number 144. He's battling the giant octopus that attacked a fishing boat; he's wrapped in one of its tentacles but fighting valiantly. The octopus was the pet of Dr. Sinister, although why the greatest, evil-ist scientist in history is harassing fishermen is never made clear in the comic. He's just a jerk, I guess.

"It's one of dad's, actually. When I was a kid, he passed along a bunch of his comics to me. It's what got me into them, I guess."

"His costume is orange."

"Superman had already muscled in on all the primary colours," I wave it at her, "This was one of the Golden Age titles. This is a part of history."

She pats the back of my hand. "Of course dear. Let's go eat before your supper gets cold. And no more comics until your homework is all done."

I leaf through the pages of the comic. The margins framing each panel are grey and the text in the dialogue bubbles has become slightly blurred.

"Now this one would be worth something if it wasn't damaged. The ink's faded. In some panels, Captain Amazing has almost completely disappeared." I sigh. "They used cheap newsprint back then. No one figured comics would be worth anything. The obsessive collector hadn't yet evolved I suppose."

"I don't see how a superhero with an orange costume could be valuable anyhow. And a white cape?"

I follow her downstairs.

"I'll have you know that until I discovered Batman, I wanted to be Captain Amazing when I grew up."

"I'm glad it didn't come to that, dear."

---

After supper, we chat with my mom for a while, play a few rounds of pinochle and then Julie and I head home. The for-sale sign is going up later this week, although most likely the housing developer will snatch it up. I packed up my comics into a box while Julie insisted we also take the box with all my old report cards and school pictures. She probably just wants to find out why my teachers used to say about me.

She's driving and I'm in the passenger seat with another issue of Captain Amazing, where he has to prevent Dr. Sinister from using his tractor beam to destroy the United States by pulling the Moon out of orbit and into a collision with the Earth. It seems a bit more appropriate for a superhero than merely rescuing fisherman.

Julie steers the car onto Highway 59, which will take us back into Winnipeg. I'm absorbed in Captain Amazing's desperate tug-of-war with the Moon when Julie slows down. Like the other comic, Captain Amazing has almost completely faded away.

"What the hell?" Julie says.

I look up, and see a car pulled onto the shoulder. One person is standing behind it and another is crouched beside the rear passenger-side wheel, struggling with removing the tire.

"He's dressed in orange," she says, almost to herself.

I look down at the comic, and then back up at the scene in front of us. Captain Amazing is standing there, holding the car off the ground with one hand while the woman changes the tire.

Julie pulls to a halt behind them without saying anything else. I roll down my window.

"Not to worry, my friends, everything is under control. This young lady just didn't have a jack in her car."

The woman looks up, "My damn husband forgot to put my goddamn jack back in the last time he used it."

Captain Amazing appears pained. "Please, ma'am. I'm sure it was an honest mistake and there's never a need to resort to uncouth language."

The woman rolls her eyes but doesn't say anything; she goes back to tightening the nuts on the spare tire.

"You're Captain Amazing," Julie says. I still haven't found my voice.

A wind picks up and tousles his blond hair for a moment.

"The very one," he says.

The woman stands up, brushes her hands off on her jeans, pulls her wallet out of her purse and says to Captain Amazing, "Well, uh, thanks for your help. You saved me having to call a tow truck. How much do I owe you?"

Captain Amazing looks shocked and sets her car down carefully. He holds up his hands to her and says, "Ma'am. I don't accept money for helping people. It's simply my cosmic duty. And my pleasure."

"With great power comes great responsibility," I manage to say.

"Exactly," the superhero says with a broad grin.

The woman shrugs. "Suit yourself. I'd at least ask for a tip if I were in your shoes." Captain Amazing looks at his feet. "Or boots as the case may be," the woman continues, "Well have a good night."

"Drive carefully, ma'am."

Captain Amazing watches her drive away and then glances at his watch. He frowns. He taps his index finger on the watch and then looks up toward the sky.

Julie leans her head out the window and asks, "What's the matter?"

"Something is amiss," Captain Amazing responds.

I snap my fingers. "Your Citadel!"

"Yes! I fear the villainous Dr. Sinister must have done something to it." He clenches a mighty fist. "That vile fiend."

"His what?"

"Captain Amazing makes his home in a space station that orbits the Earth called the Amazing Citadel. He uses his special watch to locate it -- it's invisible -- so he can fly home after he's done fighting crime. Or, well, that's what he does in the comic."

---

Julie and I are standing in our living room, looking toward the kitchen where Captain Amazing sits at the kitchen table with a cup of hot cocoa in his hands.

"I'm just not sure I'm comfortable having a stranger in our house. A stranger in orange tights."

He looks towards us.

"He has amazing hearing, you know," I tell Julie.

She rolls her eyes and drags me by the arm out onto the patio.

"It's just really weird."

"I know, I know. But it'll just be for a few days. Until we figure out what's going on. He's got nowhere else to go. His Citadel -"

"You've told me about his Citadel twenty times already."

"He's a superhero. The Crusader for Justice."

"Fine. But I'm having some friends over tomorrow. It's American Idol night. I don't want him hanging around."

"Thank you, honey," I lean in and kiss her on the cheek.

We walk back into the house and into the kitchen.

"Would you like me to reheat your cocoa with my heat vision?"

"No, we have a microwave," Julie says.

"A microwave ray!" Captain Amazing leaps to his feet.

I step forward. "No, no. Just a microwave oven. Everyone has them."

"I recall one time when Dr. Sinister built a microwave gun and -"

I see Julie's eyebrows knit up and try to change the subject.

"So tell us what you remember again."

Julie and I sit down and Captain Amazing clasps his hands together.

"I was battling the Infernal Inferno and Dr. Sinister -- they'd teamed up to try to break into Fort Knox," I rub Julie's thigh under the table as Captain Amazing continues, "The Inferno and I were were fighting in the sky over Fort Knox when Sinister appeared in a helicopter and fired a beam at me. The next thing I saw was that woman from earlier. She was clearly upset and kicking her car. Naturally, I swooped down to help."

"You do realize you're a fictional character, right?" Julie says.

I'd shown the comics to Captain Amazing, tried to explain it him. But he was understandably incredulous.

"These comic books. The stories about me."

"Yes."

"Can you show me the one where I fought the Inferno and Dr. Sinister?"

"I guess so, I -," I pause. I couldn't actually recall that issue. "I'll have to look around and find it. I might not have that one."

Captain Amazing nods, and then looks at Julie, "It's very kind of you and your husband to take me into your home. I may have superpowers, but it's human kindness that does the most to fight evil."

Julie sighs. "Let me go get the spare bedroom ready."

---

Walking up the sidewalk on my way home from work, I can see flashes of movement in the windows of our house. First in one of the main floor windows, then a split second later on the second floor. Wondering what's going on, I pick up my pace. I'm just about at the front door when it bursts open and an orange streak blasts off into the clouds.

Julie walks out of the open door, beaming.

"He really is amazing, isn't he?"

"Of course. He's a superhero. Wait -- what do you mean?"

"He cleaned the entire house in about ten seconds flat. Top to bottom. I've never seen the kitchen sparkle like that."

"You had Captain Amazing doing housework?"

"Those mildew stains in the bathroom? Gone. Couldn't hold a candle to his amazing strength. Why are you looking at me like that?"

"You are making the Caped Justice, the most Heroic of Heroes do our chores for us?"

"If he's going to be staying here, I don't see why he shouldn't contribute."

"Where is he going now?"

"Vancouver."

"Vancouver? Was there an earthquake?"

"No, no. Relax. I just sent him to buy a few groceries. I thought salmon would be nice for supper tonight."

"I can't believe this."

"I thought you'd be pleased. You're always harping on me to buy local. Buying food produced two thousand kilometers away is an environmental disaster, you always say. We're getting some salmon and it's basically zero emissions. Better than driving to the grocery store. And I said he didn't have to, but apparently he can be to Vancouver and back in about ten minutes. Plus the time he has to wait in line at the grocery store, of course."

---

We're on our way to brunch with some friends; Captain Amazing has put on some normal clothes over his costume. Not without some protest.

"I've never been one to indulge in a secret identity. I am Captain Amazing all the time. Twenty-four-Seven."

He's beginning to pick up on some more modern idioms.

"It's not really a secret identity. It's just to draw less attention to us."

"My suit was woven by the Scions of Mars to protect me from all harm."

"All harm?" I ask.

"Well, most harm. There was that time Dr. Sinister built a-"

"You'll still be wearing it. Just put on a sweater, and maybe an overcoat."

We park at the Forks, get out of the car and start walking to the restaurant, but Captain Amazing stops in his tracks and cups a hand over his ear.

"Did you hear that? Captain Amazing is needed!"

And he's gone. A moment later, his sweater and overcoat flutter to the ground. Julie picks them up, folds them neatly and puts them in her bag.

Julie brushes dust off her skirt. "He sure kicks up a lot of dirt when he does that."

---

I'm sitting at the kitchen table, eating toast and reading the newspaper when Captain Amazing walks in, heading straight for the coffee maker. He's wearing one of my bathrobes, loosely tied over his costume.

I quickly turn over the paper, to hide the front page, but even his peripheral vision is amazing.

"You couldn't have known, Captain."

"I thought someone was trying to blow up the building."

"Well, someone was. But I know what you mean. It was a controlled demolition. They weren't really serious about fining you for the construction delays."

He pours himself a cup of coffee and sits down at the table with a sigh. "Your world is a lot more complicated than my own."

"You've stopped fifteen muggings in the two weeks you've been here."

"But they were all children trying to steal iPods and sneakers from other children. I didn't feel very heroic."

"I guess our problems are smaller than you're used to dealing with. More human you might say."

"There are no supervillians around. They were making fun of my Martian suit in the paper, weren't they? Even the police don't like me helping out."

"I think that's mostly the union talking. With a superhero in town, crime is dropping and the city is talking about letting some officers go."

He shakes his head, while looking at his coffee cup.

"I was just trying to be of service."

"I know."

---

The three of us stand on our front step. No one says anything for a few moments, until then Julie breaks the silence.

"So where will you go?"

"I don't know yet. Somewhere where a superhero is needed. I cleaned the house once more."

Julie gives him a hug and a peck on the cheek.

"Take care of yourself."

"I'm nearly impervious to harm."

She smiles, "That's not what I meant."

Captain Amazing looks up at the clouds and I'm not sure what to say.

"Oh, before I forget," he reaches into his belt, then drops something into my hand.

"Is this?"

"An Amazing Squad Signal Ring. Normally I give them to kids but I thought you'd appreciate it. If you're ever in danger..."

"Thanks, Captain." We shake hands.

Captain Amazing crouches a bit and then leaps into the sky, a flash of orange that almost instantly disappears into the reds and oranges of the sunset.

I keep the Signal Ring on my desk at home. Every now and again, I take out one of my dad's comics to see if Captain Amazing has reappeared in its pages.

6 responses to "Issue #17 - Captain Amazing "

D.J. wrote: Wednesday, 02 Apr 2008 15:05 You SO stole Captain Amazing from <i>Mystery Men</i>. Coolness! You know I appreciate the pop culture references ...

Dana wrote: Wednesday, 02 Apr 2008 15:10 OH YEAH! I meant to mention that in the intro. I picked Captain Amazing as a generic superhero-sounding name that I didn't think was in use, wrote most of the story and then checked Wikipedia and saw the Mystery Men reference and was too lazy to look for another superhero name. Aww well. The costume also sorta sounds like it resembles the one from Greatest American Hero :P

Kim wrote: Wednesday, 02 Apr 2008 17:02 I loved it! It's got that quirky, Dana signature on it. I like how Julie got him to clean the house and the juxtaposition between superhero and humans.

Ginny! wrote: Wednesday, 02 Apr 2008 19:59 nifty! ^_^

Karen wrote: Wednesday, 02 Apr 2008 23:43 I wish Captain Amazing would come and do the dishes and kill spiders in my house! LOVED this. Really.

Ruth wrote: Thursday, 03 Apr 2008 00:35 Eheehee, that was silly and good! My favourite line: "The octopus was the pet of Dr. Sinister, although why the greatest, evil-ist scientist in history is harassing fishermen is never made clear in the comic. He's just a jerk, I guess." I have to go look up what "pinochle" is now. Poor Captain Amazing; it must be really hard to be out of touch with society when you're so amazing. :3

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