I think this seemed funnier when I started writing it :P But it's at least somewhat Hallowe'en appropriate.

So this weekend NaNoWriMo starts! I'm not sure if I'm going to do Friday Flash while I'm nanoing. Probably not, although if there are any good bits from my novel, I'll post 'em up.

Enjoy!

---

A Dash of Evil

Sylvia winced as she drew the sigil-covered obsidian knife across her palm. It was jagged and tore more than it cut. She squeezed her hand into a fist and dribbled several drops of blood into the chalice. When her elixir began to hiss, she put down the knife, then poured hydrogen peroxide over the cut and wrapped it in a handkerchief. It stung like a motherfucker but the knife was borrowed and who knows where a ceremonial blade may have been?

"Okay, what's next, step five," she said aloud and consulted the sheet of instructions Melissa had written down for her.

With her good hand, she grabbed the barbecue starter and flicked it until a spark ignited the concoction in the chalice. There was a poof of flame and smoke. Sylvia scrambled backwards.

The next step was the incantation, which she read while keeping one eye on the bubbling chalice. She wanted her damage deposit back at the end of term. As she spoke the last syllable a massive plume of smoke erupted from the chalice. It would take her weeks to scrub it out of her dorm room's ceiling.

"What mortal dares breach the gates of Hell and bring forth junior sub-demon Edzyttlaxor from the depths?" a voice boomed. Well maybe not boomed, but it nearly drowned out the music her neighbour was blasting.

The creature stepped around the still spewing chalice. It was nearly as tall as Sylvia. Cloven hooves, garish red skin, long spiral horns. Its lower body was covered in matted black fur and around its neck was a jaunty, dark red bow-tie.

"You, you said you were a junior demon, Edz, Edzy--"

The demon sighed a somewhat infernal sigh. "Ed is fine. Junior sub-demon. You're not evil, are you?"

"Well, I mean, evil? Isn't that sort of an archaic concept? One person's evil is another person's--"

"Oh can it," said Ed, "If you were truly evil, if your heart was truly black as a winter night, you wouldn't have got me."

"What do you mean?"

"The demon you summon is commensurate with the depths of your darkness. Hitler: maybe he gets Belzebub, the Prince of Lies." He looked around her room. "A college girl with a unicorn poster on her wall? She gets Edzyttlaxor the -- I don't even have a title. You wouldn't have got a lousy junior sub-demon, at any rate."

Ed shrugged his shoulders and slumped over toward her bed. Sylvia quickly moved a pile of her calculus notes so he could sit down.

"So, if you're a sub-demon--"

"Don't remind me."

"Sorry. What I mean is, can you do, you know, stuff?"

"I caused the Dancing Plague of 1518."

"The what?"

"The Dancing Plague. I caused dozens of villagers is Strasbourg to dance for days on end. A few of them even died of heart attacks and exhaustion."

"Well that sounds pretty impressive."

"It didn't fly with the Higher Ups. Turns out it was great for the tourist trade. People came from miles around to see them. And in the end some stupid saint took all the credit."

She sat on the bed beside Ed, first carefully moving his barbed tail, and patted his shoulders between his tiny bat wings.

"That doesn't seem very fair at all."

"And I was the inspiration for that song, the Devil Went Down To Georgia."

"Didn't the devil lose in that song?"

Ed dropped his long chin into his hands.

"How was I supposed to know Johnny was such a good fiddler?"

"Anyone could make that mistake. Listen, I think this might turn out okay. I don't need anything really bad done. There's just this girl in my class, Abigail. She stole my assignment and handed it in as her own. I wanted a little vengeance."

Ed's coal-black eyes glowed with a faint crimson aura.

"Does she like dancing?"

"Not one bit."

"I think we can work something out."

* * *

I didn't make up the Dancing Plague of 1518! I heard about it on the very excellent Stuff You Missed In History Class podcast.

16 responses to "A Dash of Evil "

mazzz_in_Leeds wrote: Friday, 30 Oct 2009 02:58 Summoning a demon, student-style! the description of the incantation/preparation is hilarious. I love the concept of the junior sub-demon - and I'm glad you used the dancing plague :) I LOL'd at the Devil Went down To Georgia sequence as well Top marks! :)

E. D. Johnson wrote: Friday, 30 Oct 2009 04:21 OMG! That was high larious! I was actually reading it aloud to my co-workers. The fact that the Dancing Plague of 1518 was real was even more awesome. You did your homework and delivered one awesomely funny story! Oh, and remember, there was a SECOND Devil Went Down to Georgia song! Wonder if Ed was involved in that??

Jim Dempsey wrote: Friday, 30 Oct 2009 06:21 I really liked how you gradually let us know where she is, and made those details fit in with the humour and the story - 'she wanted her damage deposit back', 'it nearly drowned out the music her neighbour was blasting'. And i liked that you brought back the dancing at the end, that this junior sub demon could be so proud of his dancing spell. Great stuff.

Shannon Esposito wrote: Friday, 30 Oct 2009 07:39 Oh, wonderfully amusing! A girl in college with a unicorn poster conjures up a sub-demon...he he. Very inventive. Will miss your flash if you don't post in Nov!

Laura Eno wrote: Friday, 30 Oct 2009 10:30 Hilarious! Junior sub-demon. Great stuff!

Marisa Birns wrote: Friday, 30 Oct 2009 11:25 This was very funny! A college girl with a unicorn poster gets ED? Hahahaha. Well done!

karen from mentor wrote: Friday, 30 Oct 2009 11:36 "..but the knife was borrowed and who knows where a ceremonial blade may have been?" That's why I always use alcohol on the blade BEFORE I draw my own blood for incantations..... Enjoyed this! Thanks, Karen :0)

Victoria A wrote: Friday, 30 Oct 2009 11:52 I thought the same, Karen, but what if alcohol damaged the inherent magical properties of the knife? Very tricky stuff there ;) I enjoyed it, Dana, especially the bit about the unicorn poster. "A college girl with a unicorn poster on her wall? She gets Edzyttlaxor the -- I don't even have a title. You wouldn't have got a lousy junior sub-demon, at any rate." And I kind of cringed when she patted him on the back :D

Deanna Schrayer wrote: Friday, 30 Oct 2009 13:51 Very imaginative. I love it, esepcially that you used the dancing plague with The Devil Went Down to Georgia. They go so well together. :)

Kylie wrote: Friday, 30 Oct 2009 15:04 I laughed out loud when I got around to the Dancing Plague part, I'm happy you used it after Tweeting about it! I love all your small details, I even chuckled at the idea of using a 'barbecue starter' because it's so classy ;D

karen from mentor wrote: Saturday, 31 Oct 2009 09:44 @ Victoria, well then you just sterilize the blade with a match.... Hi Dana...don't mind me... I'm just passing notes in class. :0)

Dana wrote: Saturday, 31 Oct 2009 09:48 @Karen -- you're obviously more experienced at this stuff than poor Sylvia!

Laurita wrote: Sunday, 01 Nov 2009 12:13 This was laugh out loud funny. Loved all the little details.

trev wrote: Sunday, 01 Nov 2009 22:11 Funny and well though out - my favourite combination. A dancing plague...thanks for the history lesson. It fit the rest of the story so well, I just assumed it sprung from your noggin'.

Chance wrote: Monday, 02 Nov 2009 02:25 Going to now have to dig out the Devil in georgia song. Its also comforting to know that there is some sort of heirarchy system going on.

Al Bruno III wrote: Monday, 02 Nov 2009 21:20 Very amusing and well written...

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