I'm deep in the throes of NaNoWriMo at the moment and of course has been the focus of my writing lately. So, I've decided to post a re-run. Wait! Let's not call it a re-run, let's call it a "Director's Cut". I posted this one when I was working Fabulous F**king Fiction. It was originally posted back in September of 2008 ("B-List Material"). I don't feel toooo bad though, most of you Friday Flashers won't have seen it yet.

Uhh, I edited it and tried to trim it down, but it's still 1008 words, so a bit long by #fridayflash standards.

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Alice

The woman crashed into Marvin Schultz's life at around eight on a Tuesday. He'd been in the bathroom, yanking out nose hairs with tweezers; nose hairs were the thing he hated most about being in his thirties. He tolerated not being able to touch his toes anymore. Was merely wistful when he realized he had no business whatsoever ogling university girls. But there was something so insulting in how his body was beginning to show signs of wearing out. Hair in new places. Useless places. What was the point the nose hair? It made him doubt evolution: what possible survival advantage could there be for a thirty-six year old to grow nose hair?

That's what he'd been thinking about when he heard the enormous crash. He'd been so startled that he almost jammed the tweezers deep into his nose.

"What the hell are you doing, Marvin?" his wife Lucinda shouted. She was in their bedroom getting ready for work. Marvin had a job interview that afternoon, which was why he was plucking out nose hairs. He could have still been asleep but Lucinda didn't tolerate him sleeping in during his unemployment.

"I didn't do anything. I think it came from the backyard," he shouted back.

"If some asshole ploughed his car through our fence get his license plate."

Marvin pulled on his bathrobe and hurried to their patio. Instead of a car accident, he saw the woman who had fallen from the sky and landed on their gazebo, shattering it to splinters.

"Holy shit!"

He was in fact rather ambivalent about the destruction of the gazebo. He'd bought the kit from Home Depot, thinking it would be nice to have a place to sit and read in the evenings, enjoying the fresh air while being sheltered from Winnipeg's annual invasion of mosquitos. But by the end of the afternoon, he was sick of the thing; his back was sore from bending over and hammering nails. Lucinda hated the colour he had painted it and its presence made mowing the lawn a pain in the ass.

She sat blinking amongst the shingles and splintered boards, an expression of, "What was that gazebo doing there?" on her face. She was wearing jeans and a ribbed blue sweater.

"Are you alright?" Marvin asked. There were better to questions to ask but he wasn't, at the moment, able to form them.

"I think I've lost my glasses."

"I can help you look for the them." But he stayed standing still on the patio, holding onto the railing with both hands.

"I only really need them for reading."

"Were you reading on the plane?"

"Come again?" She got unsteadily to her feet.

"On the plane. You must have fallen out of a plane or," he paused to think about why else people are in the sky, "A helicopter?"

The woman flashed an annoyed look, a wrinkle of her forehead and pursed lips, and said, "I can't find my cellphone, either."

She bent down and moved aside some of the rubble.

"Are you hurt? Do you want to come inside?"

She rubbed her bum.

"I don't think I'll be able to sit down for a week."

She stepped carefully through the remains of the gazebo and walked over to Marvin.

"I could sure use some coffee."

"I have some on."

He held open the screen door for her.

Inside the kitchen, after taking a few sips of her coffee (after adjusting its sugar level), Marvin asked, "So, uh, what's your name? How did you end up in my yard?"

"Alice," she answered, "And I'm not entirely sure. There was storm. A tornado I suppose. Or maybe just a twister."

"It's a miracle you weren't injured."

"I'd just call it luck."

"Who's this?"

Marvin turned to see Lucinda standing there. She was tying back her hair, but otherwise dressed and ready for work. Although her tone didn't sound overly hostile, Marvin knew she was annoyed, and hovering close to angry. You could tell by her very slight squint.

"Her name is Alice. You won't believe this. A tornado picked her up and dropped her in our backyard. She completely flattened the gazebo. It's a miracle she wasn't killed."

"You're right. I don't believe that."

"Stop calling it a miracle."

"Listen," Lucinda lowered her voice to a harsh stage whisper, "I've tried not to be on your case while you've been unemployed, but inviting strange women into our house — my home — is beyond the pale."

Alice responded before Marvin could, "I'm just finishing my coffee while I get my bearings and then I've got to get to work."

"Is that what they're calling it these days."

Alice took another slurp of her coffee.

Lucinda shot them both a glare as she walked across the kitchen and out onto the porch. She passed by the remains on the gazebo on her way to the garage.

A shout from the backyard: "I hope this will be cleaned up before I'm home tonight."

"Do you have a phone I could borrow?" Alice asked. "I better call a cab."

"Should you really be going to work, after everything that happened?"

Alice rolled her eyes. "I feel fine. And don't call it a miracle."

"So you're going to just go?"

"What else would I do?"

Marvin leaned against the counter across from his guest.

"Well, it's just that — I don't — can it really be a coincidence that you landed in my yard?"

She shrugged.

"I had to land somewhere. I am sorry about your gazebo. I'll pay you back."

Marvin passed the cordless phone to Alice. She called a cab and Marvin couldn't think of anything to say while they waited for it to arrive.

"I was thinking I might take up sky diving," Alice said, to break the silence.

When the cab came, Marvin walked to the front window and watched her drive away. He went back to the kitchen and rinsed out their coffee cups. He wondered if he should by Lucinda flowers to apologize.

14 responses to "Alice "

Michael J Solender wrote: Friday, 20 Nov 2009 10:16 very fun. love the nose hair bit. great dialogue.

mazzz_in_Leeds wrote: Friday, 20 Nov 2009 10:20 You can't leave it like that! Where did she come from? And what an honourable death for a gazebo

Marisa Birns wrote: Friday, 20 Nov 2009 10:32 You know this story resonates with me very much! Crazy things always dog my steps so I can appreciate Alice just falling from the sky and then walking around asking only for her glasses and cell phone. Love the dialogue!

Albert Bruno III wrote: Friday, 20 Nov 2009 17:10 I really enjoyed that collision of the strange and the mundane... it put me in the mind of Neil Gaiman's work.

Deb wrote: Friday, 20 Nov 2009 19:49 I love the nose hair scene! So, did get get sucked into the twister or land from skydiving. I want more information about her.

Laura Eno wrote: Friday, 20 Nov 2009 20:22 I didn't read the last 8 words since they were over the limit. :) The nose hair scene was great and her falling from the sky was truly surreal!

chris chartrand wrote: Saturday, 21 Nov 2009 07:32 Well, I guess he can track her down if he finds her cell. The nose hair scene was funny. The stuff makes me doubt evolution too.

J. Dane Tyler wrote: Saturday, 21 Nov 2009 12:37 An excellent piece! I loved the juxtaposition of ordinary people and events against a horrifying extraordinary circumstance. That it all returns to normalcy is such fun and so realistic I smiled the entire time I read the piece. Great job!

trev wrote: Saturday, 21 Nov 2009 13:40 Enjoyable bit of whimsy. I think the premise is strong enough for a full on 5k short story.

Skycycler wrote: Saturday, 21 Nov 2009 15:22 "I think I've lost my glasses." I like this!

Laurita wrote: Monday, 23 Nov 2009 07:33 This was great fun. I loved the dialogue. This grabbed me from the very first sentence.

J. M. Strother wrote: Tuesday, 24 Nov 2009 11:32 Did she come through a looking glass? Fun read. I don't think flowers are going to help much. ~jon

Jim Dempsey wrote: Wednesday, 25 Nov 2009 05:11 Great characters, the sharp dialogue really set them up perfectly. Really liked the Alice in ordinaryland feel too.

Kylie wrote: Friday, 27 Nov 2009 00:54 Looks at me, here and reading and commenting! ;D There are so many golden pieces of dialogue in this that it's impossible to choose a favourite. I also like how the mystery stays at the end but yet there is still the sense of a conclusion, not just a 'fade out' kind of moment.

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