This is one of those stories that's a pure gag. The entire story is the set up for the punch line. Upon rereading it, I'm not sure the joke works. Too much set-up? Maybe I should have inverted the story line and started with the end and then explained what happened. Or, alternatively written it from the perspective of people elsewhere in the galaxy. Played it up as apocalypse or horror, and then do the reveal.

Oh well, this is what first drafts are for :)

---

Star-crossed

1.

The Captain stifled a yawn and rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands.

"Your shift's long over, Dick. Why don't you grab some rack time?" his second-in-command asked.

"We're nearly at the co-ordinates. I may as well stick it out," he told her. He twisted in his chair to face the visiting science team. "Everything's still tickety-boo with the payload?"

One of them tapped furiously at his keyboard. A small crowd of lab coats hovered over his shoulders to see his screen.

"The containment field is operating at one hundred percent efficiency."

"Fantastic," said the Captain, rolling his eyes, "I like things efficient."

Six geeks in charge of keeping several tonnes of dark matter stable. A Faraday shield doohickey. Quantum resonance blibbity-blah. Deflector shield yadda yadda yadda. The Captain glanced at his personal monitor, which was displaying nothing but a countdown timer. The hundred, fifty-eight thousand, one hundred thirteen seconds until his retirement. Aside from being surrounded by geeks on this machine, his last mission was going smoothly. He was going to miss the soothing hum of bridge activity. Or he would, some days.

The Captain tapped a button on his console and said, "We've entered final approach, Senator. If you want to see the show you best head on up to the bridge."

His second-in-command was staring at the view screen.

"No matter how many deep space missions I fly, the stars still look beautiful."

"Don't get too attached to that one, Tara."

2.

The Senator rubbed his clean-shaven jaw.

"The bomb is almost there, it looks like."

"Well, you're viewing a computer simulation, of course. Speed of light and all that," replied the Captain.

The Senator turned to his science team. "And there is no life in any of the systems that will be affected by the gamma ray burst?"

The one who'd spoken before said, "A survey two years ago detected microbial life on PX779. The planet is basically blanketed in a layer of ooze."

The Senator snorted. "Ooze."

"Impact in thirty seconds," said Tara.

"Raise the shields," said the Captain, "And keep the engines humming."

"We're much too far away for—" began one of the scientists.

"Raise the damn shields."

The display showed the star collapse, and a moment later explode outwards. The view screen turned bright white almost instantly.

Even knowing they were looking at a simulation, the Captain whistled.

"That'll be something to see when the light reaches Earth," he said. "Of course, I'll probably be long gone by then."

"It'll be visible even during the day for weeks," Tara added in quiet voice.

The Senator strode over to his astrologers and rested his hand on the back of the chair of the team leader.

"Give me an update."

Some of the astrologers worked on computers, others scribbled notes on charts strewn across the consoles that the Captain had begrudgingly assigned for their use.

After consulting in hushed tones, one of them said, "For Virgo, 2347 will bring positive career news. A new direction will open numerous possibilities and —"

"What about romance, goddamit?"

One of the other astrologers cleared her throat, "Love appears to be very difficult in the first half of the year. Disappointments and obstacles abound."

The Senator drew in a deep breath and exhaled slowly.

The leader, who specialized in theoretical astrology rubbed the back of his neck and said, "Well this is as much an art as a science, as we stated at the beginning of the project. Maybe if we removed another star from the constellation."

"Get my dark matter supplier on the horn."

16 responses to "Star-crossed "

Marisa Birns wrote: Friday, 05 Mar 2010 10:43 Oh, well done! Clever, clever you. Shakespeare was right: "It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves." So the Senator will get the answers he wants even if they have to rearrange the astral furniture! I'm a Cancer, by the by. What's on the horizon?

karenfrommentor wrote: Friday, 05 Mar 2010 10:58 Ha! Works for me. :0)

Skycycler wrote: Friday, 05 Mar 2010 11:03 What a fabulous use for dark matter. "his is as much an art as a science..." made me cry laughing. Astrology is an itch and you just scratched it good. Very, very funny (it worked for me!) Simon.

Eric J. Krause wrote: Friday, 05 Mar 2010 11:03 That's certainly one way to shape your future. I enjoyed the set up to the joke.

John C. Wiswell wrote: Friday, 05 Mar 2010 12:12 I'm not even sure if the author's note is attached to the right story! This doesn't feel like a big build to a twist or gag; the whole second half feels silly and detached from the first. I like it, though.

Victoria A wrote: Friday, 05 Mar 2010 12:24 Nicely done. I, for one, definitely think it works. ...The story, that is, not blowing up stars to alter one's future via astrological forecast. Heh.

marc nash wrote: Friday, 05 Mar 2010 13:50 In answer to your initial question, no the set up is not too long. simply because it works in its own terms as a narrative, even if there weren't the punchline to follow. Of course the punchline completely pulls the rug from under the reader's preconceptual feet and that in itself is no mean feat on your part. May I humbly suggest you remove the note above the story? I think it is redundant. Clever, witty stuff.

dan wrote: Friday, 05 Mar 2010 22:07 Oh, no. This is awesome. There is no distance too far for a good joke. Even several light-years.

ganymeder wrote: Saturday, 06 Mar 2010 08:41 And I kept wondering if the ooze was us! You really threw me for a loop. Well done.

mazzz_in_Leeds wrote: Saturday, 06 Mar 2010 08:47 I'll second marc nash - if you want to keep the note so us lot can answer your question, why not place it below the story? To avoid the reader being nudged into any preconceptions! Horoscope fixing via dark matter - ace!

Laura Eno wrote: Saturday, 06 Mar 2010 08:47 I was wondering if we were the ooze also! The setup for this is perfect. Awesome!

Dana wrote: Saturday, 06 Mar 2010 08:58 @mazzz and @marc Hmmm....that's not a bad idea. I've just always put the author's before the story.

Jared Branch wrote: Saturday, 06 Mar 2010 09:08 It was a witty story, even if the punchline wasn't so much a laugh out loud moment as a oh-i-see type moment.

Cathy Olliffe wrote: Sunday, 07 Mar 2010 15:37 The Senator is my kind of man. (Smile)

Cecilia Dominic wrote: Monday, 08 Mar 2010 12:51 Apparently I'm following Cathy through the Friday Flash stories. :) No stalking, I promise! I think I would've liked it better without the note, to be honest. I do like the premise, though, and it felt like a short story instead of a joke. CD

Kylie wrote: Monday, 08 Mar 2010 15:15 Haha, not too long of a build up at all and a great idea (yet scary idea!). I like how much personality you can show in each of your characters in such a short story, it's something you've always been good at :]

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